Thursday, October 31, 2013

You're Invited

I invite you to the center of your soul. You must be still.

It has to be experienced. If you've never tired of talking about it, using words to approximate it, then you don't yet know it, do you?  In the beginning of your journey, you entered the forest of ideas. The forest was not your destination, yet you lingered a bit. Your little voices kept you awash in doubt, enough to paralyze. Many people get lost in the forest deliberately, if not consciously
(and this is why we practice).

By the Grace of God, you have found the entrance to the cave, and it was waiting for you. You learned that if you're ready to reach for the core, you must go through water and earth. Yes, water, which holds so much of the origin and energy in life, and has been called life itself, can be an obstacle when the time has come for something deeper. The same can be said of earth, as you struggle through to its - your - essence.

In time, everything but Spirit is a bridge - a Nexus - to Spirit, including you. Everything about you that is not Spirit participates in your journey to Spirit. If it hurts you, it helps you in Spirit, meaning your ability to perceive, discuss, or sometimes even to consider your relationship to Spirit is enhanced. All kinds of health come with a greater sense of closeness to Spirit. Use this. Hard times are coming. You need every advantage you can get. A strong bond with the Spirit is really your only chance, if you want to be of service, and you will want this. Already do.

If you want to find the core, you're going to do so by turning your attention from the forest of signs and ideas, and penetrating water and earth (Yemanja and the SnakeWoman), as they resist you, teach you, impede you, break and remake you, ready you to withstand the demands of being in the presence of God. So it's not all about this life, yet it is. This is your opportunity to get powerful in glory. To get humble, get aware and get compassionate, and most of all get passionate about healing. It's why you brought yourself here.

This is no time to hide behind reflections and descriptions of God, let alone for threatening and cajoling on my behalf. Use all of these to erect bridges to me, and not finely crafted walls against me. Your wall is simply a bridge that takes longer to cross. So you're really just wasting time, and have no idea how precious each second is. So precious that it begs your full attention. Don't think those seconds aren't making their case! You're here, in the present.

It's All Me


Something happened after I sparked the meditation. I saw what Shakti was talking about. I talk about the entities in me ostensibly for reference and healing purposes, but the spirit showed me how i relate to those aspects that I've put considerable energy into identifying. Recently, my friend Shakti tried to tell me to stop thinking of these things as separate entities, that they are just me. If I didn't know that I was resisting taking her advice, I would describe the effort as lazy. I was acting out of refusal to let go of these creations of mine.

The subtext this time: So now that you see they are you, you can choose to act differently. I'm that bully. I'm that tyrant, that coward, that snake-woman, that Jesus-Naga-Luz. I'm that lion, that butterscotch boy, that monster in the woods. Here in the recesses of my mind, I'm the voice of every family member. Understanding this, I can choose what they say, or at least when they speak.

When i understand this through and through, I'll be able to assume any of these identities, or abandon them. You'll actually be able to create with the identities. But until you know down to the bone that you choose who to be, as if in a game of masquerade, you will repeatedly take your projections as real, quite independently of reality, and at considerable risk to your relationships and your mental health.

But now I see more deeply, and am beginning to understand my role in my own day-to-day suffering. Consciously or unconsciously avoiding the perspective of any part of you (not to mention demonizing the parts you avoid) robs you of full integration. The spirit showed me myself as a giant stomping down the trees and subjugating the people. I  mean she showed me from that point of view, one i'd never considered assuming.

You are being shown a map of your heart because that is one of the best teaching techniques for students prone to doubt. Other students will need to see different truths (or aspects of truth), presented in different ways. Others need certain points emphasized, maybe to be shown the relationships between entities and realities. And each will be taught according to his learning style, because spirit is quite exacting in this.

Once the solemn decision to search is made, the student is presented lessons, and they come back around if necessary. Most of the modest number of failures are simply the result of the student forgetting that she'd asked to be taught. And the majority of those become successes after the student remembers her real priorities.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Stop Worrying and Live


Stop worrying and live. Stop worrying and live. Stop worrying and live.That's what I'm getting today from the Spirit. I have an addiction to worry. I don't know how to not fill my head with worrisome thoughts. It's the fear of failure and humiliation, and the shame it brings, that makes me go over and over the things that can go wrong.

Ironically, the shame is triggered early, at the merest breath of failure. And of course the immense energy drain drastically increases the likelihood of actual failure. And the cycle continues. But the tragedy is that we're not taught to monitor this level of our thoughts. Because for some, it could be a way out.

My Hatred Craves an Object


My hatred craves an object. The closer the better. To know this is to understand every move I've ever made, and all my relationships. Hell, a smart person could tell me the degree to which I identify with hatred. Thank God I am finally learning that I am neither subject nor object in this corrosive tale, but the composer of every sentence. Thank God for the discovery that i can edit, albeit in all but history.

She said that I have a drum I need to play. I have thus far ignored that, to my detriment. And that is why this has taken so long. You don't take it seriously, because you don't see the miraculous in you. You can't see it yet, and it's not you're fault. But I'm here to tell you, when you're ready, all you have to do is take a risk.

Belief is valuable to the extent that it allows you to take risks. Knowledge is more valuable, because it's the path, the fuel and the goal. Curiosity leads to knowledge, which spurs belief, which breeds curiosity, more knowledge. The accumulation of knowledge inspires more curiosity as patterns emerge.

Anyway, don't shy away from risk, these messages or the pain you feel. Talk to your friends. Play the drum. That was one reason you were put in a position to listen to music for extended periods without distraction. Your music therapy idea is a good one, for as long as you're blind to who you are, you need someone to teach you from a compassionate place. You want music in your life. Your attendant spirits love when you and music are together.

One is True

04/15/13 Shame- I get attached and immediately my relationship
changes to an insecure one. I engage and run away. I want to own the object of my attachment. I don't want anyone else to have it. I burden it with the responsibility for my pain, though while it is to blame, I'm the one responsible. I don't get attached for that very reason. I'm grateful for being able to put this into words.

The judgment is a defense against the painful barb that attachment brings disappointment, hence deserves attack. But judgment is destructive to the spirit, because it separates, while spirit is together. One is true. Follow the false and you will be able to trace all of your pain, physical and mental, to that decision. Open the channel that would carry you toward life, abundant life.

You were told earlier that the only remedy for each of your complexes is awareness. Heed this good news. There is nothing that needs saying at this point in time more than you need to start living and making attempts and taking risks. You've seen how you've allowed your mind to make you believe terrible things about yourself, things that are most often the opposite of fact. Keep noticing this, and bring it to the center of your attention whenever it appears. This is an exercise in awareness, you know, and part of the reason you have even reached this far is that you have been practicing it for quite a while.

The reason your results are haphazard is that you treat your good work only a little better than you treat your good qualities. But that intention and willing mind shine right through, and so you've advanced as a matter of faith. Don't worry. Choosing to worry in the presence of such faith is evidence of confusion or that the faith is imperfect, as when it is informed by a complex or a conscious or unconscious misunderstanding of some fundamental element of the object of your faith.

I Was Him and Me


But the spirit told\showed me that i don't have one relationship to one person, place, thing concept, fragment that isn't problematic. Every one is infused with shame so effectively that it's taken years to bring them to within their peak potential for mutual helping to speed up the process.

You are undergoing a process of purification, of first your relationship with yourself and ultimately with everything. You chose this. It wasn't magic. You knew you could not make anyone happy if you weren't essentially happy, at peace. And unconsciously you knew that until you addressed this, the idea of really engaging a woman would be repugnant.

All of it's been because you enjoined the aid of your spirit guide Jesus Naga-Luz. At the age of 13, the day you declared your devotion. From then forward, you've belonged to the lord in your heart, the only place he insisted on living comfortably, because he knew that was what you wanted. This cold fact rested in the recesses of your psyche until you were ready to know deeply what it does and does not mean. But it was you, big Glenn, with little Glenn as your test, that made and enacted the decision to be a faithful son, again and again. Even through the trauma of your early spiritual life (whose pain, to be fair, contributes to the spiritual insight you're so taken with) couldn't keep you from finding a way to work it out.

Earlier, as i drove to this reggae spot by the river, the spirit challenged me to assume the vision of the shaman, and get on with it. Right after that message, i saw/felt myself pass through a faint membrane, on the other side of which i felt myself bigger, steadier, alert wise and compassionate. I was him, and me.



There is no earthly accounting for the strength of the connection, in my view. She was the demon I'd been looking for, as I was for her. I see a bald black shadow in the dark looking at me, waiting... waiting for me to come to the only conclusion possible and take her hand.

She is the Earth. I had thought that the love of my life was my mother. But I now see that it was the earth inside her that had captured me. And Esmeralda was so earthy it was like she was already dead.

The Tyranny of Self-Righteousness


Pretense is an element of fear. One pretends when afraid that he is not what he should be. Self righteousness can be described as absolute pretense. It's a function of the ego, and thus can be equally as unknown to the person. Also, it is absolute in it's tyranny. The first and most damaged victim is the self, as the self-righteous urge is the "gateway drug" to judgment, an urge, by the way, that is not only reinforced by the judgmental thought, but more so by its  expression outside the organism, and more again by actions taken on its behalf affecting any sentient beings. Pretense is the feature of the ego that allows it to remain undetected. It can be called the invisibility cloak.

The mechanism for the development of the cloak is habit. You have taught yourself, then expertly reinforced, every day, your own false self. That kind of brainwashing is the most effective and efficient ever produced, naturally. Self-righteousness is only one of the energy sources of the ego. Others are shame, guilt, vanity, pride, worry, hatred, lust for physical objects, inappropriate identification and the excessive seeking out of and engagement in distraction. These are "sins" only in that they keep the ego robust and thus limit your access to your real self, the only one with hope of achieving true happiness.

To Feel Clearly


The spirit showed me that I fear going out because I don't want to face myself, as opposed to the people or situations I'll  encounter. Of course, the situations bring us face to face, Little Glenn and me. The spirit said that I'm afraid of the pain.

I imagined myself boxing my pain body. That led to the "shame energy out" mantra. And I saw boxing as warrior movement. Then I went to how little black boys always shadow box -and then it hit me- They're getting the shame energy out. All that aggression is to help them vent the shame that might cause them to lose it. The problem is that it's not efficient and often contributes to more shame for themselves and others.

And just when i start imagine the role I've imagined for myself, the spirit show-told me,

"This is opening the channel with respect. You are using your imagination to understand your brother."

And he continued to show me that not only could I use that technique in others of my complexes, it must first be extended to myself if i am to see clearly with my feelings. To feel clearly, without drama or complication. This may be why I've been allowed to hurt so much and so long, so i could help. I have to write to set it up. A lot.

When you mess up, the real and normal frustration provides a place for pain body to hide in order to strike you. The strikes are made of the humiliation of experiencing fear, the very pain you then fear... and that's how you live, waiting for the feedback to die down so you can rest.

Outlook and Experience


The spirit told me, "Your outlook informs your experience, and vice-versa. The latter movement is one you're very familiar with. The former is one you seem to avoid (maybe by focusing so intensely on the victim narrative). This is a failure in your education, which focuses so intently on external cause and effect that it leaves you lacking in the amount of energy spent coming to understand the relationships between phenomena like outlook and experience, and subsequently how they might be managed for the maximum benefit of all sentient beings.

Your limitations come less from your blindness to the role of your thoughts in creating the stuff of your days, than from your moral and conscious rejection of the oneness of all phenomena, of the fact that you are inextricably part of a community. You are expected to cultivate in the young ones compassion for themselves, their brothers and sisters and all that is.

It's not your fault, you were trained by people who knew little of the emotional needs of children. But you've scratched your way to this level of understanding, so you can't claim ignorance. Now it's a matter of will. You are aware that stillness is necessary now, that achieving it might be a matter of some urgency...Yet you deliberately avoid it. Your pain body is very strong now because you decided to go digging things up. You're in emotional disarray.

The Greatest Good


The Lord is teaching me about faith. I now see that faith is not the expectation that things will go as i have prayed for, but that things should go according to the greatest good, the benefits of which we all share. Faith is enthusiasm for that plan. When it mixes with hope, is the beginning of the end of faith, because it draws the energy away from the plan for the greatest good, and toward thoughts for bordered aspects of what an individual believes the greatest good. Once bordered-off aspects draw away that energy, the collective suffers in time, because it is increasingly being forsaken for the individualized, the cut off.

The major benefit of living for the whole is spiritual, and that is why it is a disposable idea in your culture. you don't have the spiritual development, land history or wisdom to value souls in close quarters generating spiritual power through acts of love and enthusiasm for a happy society. That power doesn't run through you like it does people in other communities. This is all to say that you aren't conditioned to have faith. But you can generate it through awareness and action. Exercise, meditate and imagine!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Don't Resist. Fight.

There has never been a better time to seek freedom. Look into it. Look bravely into the heart of that the thing that holds you back. If you have faith, in anything, I can't see a better use of it than generating the will to take the steps available to you, using your own intention and sweat, to break the chains, as well as the humility to bless your friends by leaning on them. It's gotta happen in your heart home, an energy source so central that you have it well fortified. Too well fortified.

This is a strange, exciting time to be alive. Not many of you can appreciate that, because you're beset with fiercely guarded confusion, stressors, or complexes that are, in most cases, treatable. I'm not necessarily talking about therapy, let alone drugs. Even a person alone can make considerable progress. It's about facing it. Once you have done this, you'll find that you can deal more effectively with your other circumstances. This is because you simply have access to the mental energy you once used running and hiding from that thing that seems to get the best of you.

A mature analysis of this society shows that its problems are mental, and until someone comes up with a way to heal all of you in one fell swoop, you're going to have to be brave. And help others be brave. Virtually everybody is suffering, and much of your suffering will subside as you take that step, or step leading to that step, with honesty and intention. And, when the children can see you taking responsibility for the vibration you contribute to this collective, they won't forget it. You can do it. I'll help you. I have faith in you.

Don't face it like a death sentence, with fear. Face it with love, treating the fearful part of you like a child going to school for the first time. Be tender and patient, the way I am with you. Imagine it, and put emotional energy into that vision.  Now, you're the one being, giving love... now both... Is that an unreasonable thing to put in your head, that you should see in your mind yourself being treated with tenderness and patience? It is in this context, once fortified with practice, that you'll find the safe place - and the strength - to face what you thought you couldn't. Don't resist.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Your Hopes Have Nothing to Do with This


He said that I don't even have to adopt any of the postures or impressions discussed here. I've already made the decision to be willing. I don't have to have the great epiphany I believe I'm fairly responsible for (let my pain body tell it). He reminded me that i hadn't imagined the subtle breaths of change I felt brush my cheek. He confirmed the barely detectable (let alone acceptable) heart scene novelties in the vibrations of the atmosphere. I was afraid to acknowledge it at first, you know, don't wanna get my hopes up.

But that's just it, your hopes have nothing to do with this process. For instance, this session is part of the answer to all your prayers, yet more specific material or superficial desires are ignored. Why? Because your acquisition and integration of this fundamental knowledge, knowledge of self, supersedes and encompasses all these.

Your mind, heart and body should be engrossed in the effort to heal, first yourself, then others. Let your actions be borne easily on the momentum of prior action. I saw myself care a little bit less about my day to day problems, more a sign that I'm getting a deeper message than any decrease in concern.

Saturday, October 19, 2013



She said, You're an amazing being in an amazing process whose results will amaze you. Stop judging yourself according to standards that are less than amazing. This decision alone is the crux of your complexes, as it provides the emotional fuel. It's this that triggers the shame that keeps the lights on in the valley of he shadow of death. Or off. I don't know.

Actually, just reading those words triggers a release in my abdomen. I am an amazing being in an amazing process whose results will amaze you. Don't judge me by standards that are less than amazing. If you do, you'll miss a blessing, and might help delay mine. And I know you don't want that for me.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Now, You're Digging it Up

You have a legitimate right to be respected. You have a legitimate right to be respected. You have a legitimate right to be respected. Arriving at that place is like that one Childhood Christmas with Phyllis. The lights on the trees that night, so right. Someone left a blade inside my chest. That explains the need. I'm gonna get through this.

Anyway, he said i have a right to be respected, but that doesn't require emphasis. In your relations, whenever you emphasize only a part of a reality, you generate and energize the idea that what you have chosen just became more important than the rest, the conversation itself, and by extension, the interlocutor. Of course, you didn't mean any of that, right? Can you be sure? I know there are people who would read even more into that, because I'm one of them. Shame, pessimism and judgment dancing with creativity. Rest assured that bom feeling cuts in more often these days. But it would have to, wouldn't it? And the whole of this teaching could be lost by me choosing at any point to be anything but honest.

Even though there is and was so much bad (and despite the fact that you keep it alive with a part of you that would better serve healing your neighbors), it is bound up in your psyche with things you never want to let go. Your job is to learn to recognize the difference and develop the capacity to maturely pull the wheat from the chaff. You're learning to do so every day. Would do so even more effectively with quiet. It's scary now, but it'll get better. Back to my original point. I have a legitimate right to be respected. You forgot that in learning disrespect, you unfortunately sowed the seeds of it. In your teaching of disrespect it grew strong in you, if artificially so. Now, you're digging it up.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Tenderness is the Ultimate Weapon


of the Spirit Warrior - Wield it, and watch it burn away illusion.

I had an out-of-body experience driving down the street today. It was more like an extra-body experience. I felt all of a sudden like I encased myself, closely but at a great enough space to let me see. I saw/felt the futility of all the priorities of my pain body. But I also saw how central they are to him, as determined - and conditioned - by their unfettered access to my psychic energy. I'm a believer in pain, at least I have been, was. I'm beginning to commit to my belief in love, and let that become my reality instead. I'm reminded that at this point I am still in a process, even if I forget this.

Earlier, I saw how I'm becoming more aware of the presence of the Lord, through, of course, a forest of resistance. I was encouraged to call Jesus' name, even though I was full of dread, and felt no inclination to praise or celebrate. I realized that normally the pain body insists that I shun these sentiments in particular, and thus guilt starts to grow as I acquiesce. This is because the repetition of the Mantra threatens to increase my awareness, the state in which my pain body, cannot thrive. But today I spent more moments than recently possible entertaining the truth that I'm not alone. I was reminded that a formidable part of me, whom I have called Jesus Naga-Luz, has been here, tenaciously and tirelessly fighting for me and teaching me to fight for me, inside-out. It is at his gentle push that I get up and try. She emboldens me to continue even when the full import and caliber of my performance is lost on me.

A different voice presents another point of view, and I've learned that a multitude can exist within an individual, indeed do in me. It is well-known  that even coming into awareness of a different point of view energizes it, to the extent that the soul bears it witness.

The Role of Distraction


The role of distraction. See, life is hard and sometimes we just can't take it. In all cases, distraction is designed to allow you to take it, just long enough for life to squeeze that last bit of happiness out of you. I realized the other day that the reason I have to be reminded again and again to be still is because, right now, it's the very last thing I want to do. I know I can't take it. You should see me frantically seeking something to get into!

So I get it. Distraction is a trap, like alcohol, because while it allows you to take it a little longer, and make things seem better than they are, it steals from you more than it gives, in particular the capacity to reengage your authentic self and significant others. Those extra moments of not falling apart don't belong to you, and most of them won't leave any lasting impression, let alone be nurturing in any way. The overall effects are regret and disgust. That must be what many people feel on their death beds. Because I know they get a new-found appreciation for the importance of the opportunity in life. I've seen it a few times. Fortunately, I've also seen the regret and disgust  succumb to resignation, eventually, on the way to peace. Distraction, temptation, inertia and

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Don't Destroy Me

July 24, 2013

In a plaintive little boy voice, he pleads with me, "Don't destroy me."

There is a tug inside where I feel his influence most- but not only there.

But you don't belong here. You shouldn't be here.

"I'm just a part of you. I'm the part that holds your pain."

That's a lie. My pain doesn't need holding. It needs letting go, and has for a long time. You've had tentacles so intertwined with my little self, that you might have come close to convincing me that your interests are the same. But as I grow, he becomes me.

I made you, then i got to know you all too well- in a sense. The process is not complete until we say goodbye. I have no use for a pain body. For me to actively know you is to fuel this grotesque, unfortunate and time-stealing charade.

Maintain My Skies Clear

August 24, 2013

I write it so the devil can't erase it. Every little blip, Glenn? I saw that every little blip of social shock is one I mechanically amplify in a process decidedly precise and just as lethal to my social self, inside and out! And for all it's precision, the process balloons and sweeps the sky like black and blood red and purple clouds, racing to cover every inch of my sky before i can recover. And because I fail to grasp this, the clouds linger, and it becomes harder and harder to maintain my skies clear. Life sees to it.

My social self is my only self, I see. So my task is to appreciate the necessity of working to keep your skies clear, or clarify what's been obscured. Oh, Lord!

You must be still!

You must be still right now because you've been getting what you asked for. Well, this time of tender wounds being opened is a time for protecting yourself, and you're very vulnerable as you go about your day. So take a minute, please.

The Trick Is

September 16, 2013

...not covering your eyes at the moment of the lesson. It's like choosing to revisit the lesson repeatedly until the day that, because of whatever work you've been doing on yourself, and the grace of God, you find yourself able to keep your presence in a situation in which you would normally escape just at the part where the good stuff occurs. You immediately feel guilty, because you're now causing the destruction of this particular thought edifice that once enjoyed your loyalty, and you realize more and more that your creation kept you in constant pain, almost taking on a life of its own through the sheer force of your will, at an energy cost you can't begin to afford. And that's just one thought, one projectile you're prone to intercepting. What deft efficiency you're capable of! This is where almost all your energy goes, and you wonder why you can't finish anything. These lessons are the ones you needed growing up, come around again. It really is alright to face them, maybe not easy (but is there ease in any of the alternatives to real peace?), but they require no slavery to any idea, that's certain. But you do have a choice. I'm learning that the

Spirituality is Active Presence

September 21, 2013

Worry makes a mockery of awareness, is the Hyde of a conscious Dr. Jekyll. The one thing keeping you from coming to your own rescue is the very fact that you're not there. You disappear while all kinds of atrocities are done with your faculties. Worry makes the case that it is directed at your problems, makes use of similar faculties, and is supposedly on your side. And you fall for it every time. That's why it had to be called out. Distraction has been your only antidote for it, but how can absence remedy absence?

I now feel up to taking advantage of the benefits of the vibrations that come at me. Something told me to revere them, told me that they were crucial to my survival long before i knew what they were. I am infinitely grateful. But now i get to engage them from a spiritual perspective, which
in a word, means presence. Active presence is the best definition of spirituality that i know.

Warrior Movement


I'm see-feeling right now how it's not necessary to fret about a particular action or thought. I'm now being shown how painless it can be to get to work. The worrying about the work is the most painful part, partially because it add weight and credibility to your voice for inferiority, which resonates in the soul as shame. A mucous-y substance begins to form on the walls of the temple, not far from the altar. This is not a good place for the spirit to be seated.

A childish response to the shaming voice makes you not want to take action, as if that would solve your relationship problem. Now you're paralyzed. Part of you wants to get on with life, another is afraid you couldn't if you tried, and the loudest part resents being told what to do by life and its requirements. Well, let's get un-paralyzed. We can do it.

You bring it to consciousness, and then you figure out which part of it is you (or real). All the rest in healing meditation, in my humble opinion, all the music, the chanting, the visualization, are to maximize the effectiveness of these two moves, to heighten one and deepen the other. The process of making the unconscious conscious requires great energy to overcome the fear, because that's how you overcome fear, you manipulate energy upwards.

Warrior Movement is perfect for this because it builds up positive conscious energy that burns away fear while at the same time dissolving shame. Locked to the beat, and maybe some brief periods free of rhythm, maybe even sound, only for the muscles and vibrations to find their home in the land of rhythmic, sonic, harmonic and physical tension and release, call and response, and maybe the occasional erotic movement meditation.

Autumn Day Song

October 3, 2013

I actually heard and saw the music in this brilliant autumn day. I remembered the fall afternoons in Ohio. Only those lonely football days spent watching the trees, and three or four fall days with best friends have ever made homes in my heart like this magical day. Today, I gave three presentations, all fair to good, all to applause. I didn't back down from any major challenges, or once lose faith. I saw the trees blowing in the wind in/and/of my coming and going. They contributed to making the day move by in verses, and the chorus was "See, you're doing it. You don't have give up life to live it. You don't have to forget magical autumn days, alone or with family, no matter where you are."

I can kindle the spirit of those plays (even if they can't repeat) with the memory, and call them out of the spirit world, where they wait. Yes, moments have spiritual qualities, too. They can take on any attributes you can imagine, and some can see them. It is said there are beings made of moments. But that's a slippery concept, until you realize that you're one of them. We're our own aliens, only appearing as we see us from ONE perspective. Not venturing much deeper than the projection, and so not likely to recognize it. But there are those that do, and their job is to teach the others.

It is their voice that tells us about our makeup, and our destiny as well. They often have to speak in parables, to not unhinge minds not too prepared to go tearing after the unspeakable high of superstition, blasphemous only as an incredible waste of time. Time is precious. If it weren't you wouldn't have chosen it so eagerly.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Doubt is i

October 5, 2013

And I said of the Spirit, I'm a Master, I must be a Master. And then i said, "maybe an initiate." Looking at i as for the first time, I realized that it must be true; if i is still here, then there is no mastery. I allowed my self that there is a definite movement toward mastery, even if doubt continues to separate me into I and i. i is doubt.

"That's temporary, you must see. Understand that doubt is the essence of all your fears. If there is doubt that you are cared for, that is the beginning of nightmares, wouldn't you say? And when you are jolted often enough by nightmares real and fantastic, you will take on certain of their characteristics, becoming your own haunting. In particular, you will entertain the haunting of others, as if teaching a language, the language of the valley of the shadow of death, or doubt."

"When you are free of doubt," he said, "you will never have to be anything again, nor will anyone else." Which is a fitting gift, seeing as they all were essential to my learning to be free.

"You have a deep well of yearning for me. We share that for each other. I know you feel it. I have the capacity to feel it with every bit of creation, and I desperately need to feel all of it."

"It hurts, for example, when you don't talk to me, more than it does for you, because I know how happy that kind of contact between us will make you. And of course, I really want that for you and for all of my creation. My hurting is what creates."

My scars are from giving birth, yet while painful in a profound sense, the spiritual essence of the pain is concentrated joy. When you are given to doubt, the process is the contrary: joy must be born from your pain. The fact that it can is what makes doubt so dangerous. Since you've seen only joy born of pain, you doubt that it can come from any other source. And that is why you are never too far from pain."

"And for this reason we should be in contact. You're ready to direct your actions toward relinquishing your remaining doubt. Some can just do it, and you may be one of them. But we're going to get it done so the next phase can begin."