Saturday, October 5, 2013

Doubt is i


October 5, 2013

And I said of the Spirit, I'm a Master, I must be a Master. And then i said, "maybe an initiate." Looking at i as for the first time, I realized that it must be true; if i is still here, then there is no mastery. I allowed my self that there is a definite movement toward mastery, even if doubt continues to separate me into I and i. i is doubt.

"That's temporary, you must see. Understand that doubt is the essence of all your fears. If there is doubt that you are cared for, that is the beginning of nightmares, wouldn't you say? And when you are jolted often enough by nightmares real and fantastic, you will take on certain of their characteristics, becoming your own haunting. In particular, you will entertain the haunting of others, as if teaching a language, the language of the valley of the shadow of death, or doubt."

"When you are free of doubt," he said, "you will never have to be anything again, nor will anyone else." Which is a fitting gift, seeing as they all were essential to my learning to be free.

"You have a deep well of yearning for me. We share that for each other. I know you feel it. I have the capacity to feel it with every bit of creation, and I desperately need to feel all of it."

"It hurts, for example, when you don't talk to me, more than it does for you, because I know how happy that kind of contact between us will make you. And of course, I really want that for you and for all of my creation. My hurting is what creates."

My scars are from giving birth, yet while painful in a profound sense, the spiritual essence of the pain is concentrated joy. When you are given to doubt, the process is the contrary: joy must be born from your pain. The fact that it can is what makes doubt so dangerous. Since you've seen only joy born of pain, you doubt that it can come from any other source. And that is why you are never too far from pain."

"And for this reason we should be in contact. You're ready to direct your actions toward relinquishing your remaining doubt. Some can just do it, and you may be one of them. But we're going to get it done so the next phase can begin."