Toward Catharsis

Is catharsis a result of acquiring pure faith? When the last bit of doubt is gone, does it all come pouring out? I imagine that being the result of the defeat of inner oppressor-illusions, as well as my having watched the entire process.

My mind must be integrating the lessons, because I get caught off-guard by the lack of emotional energy behind what would have at one time been strong emotions in certain situations. I'm so accustomed to reacting to potent thoughts with strong negativity, that I take it for granted. Or, I used to.

The result of the integration of the lessons is always joy or based on joy, just as fear is the basis for the negative lessons. It usually happens in multiple periodic releases, but occasionally full catharsis is reached in short order by attentive students. It is difficult for the trauma-bound to pay this kind of attention to the lessons that appear in their lives, because the lessons happen largely through pain. If the pain is too great, it might not be possible to use for self discovery. Not at the moment, at least. 

Most people go to great lengths to avoid that pain. But for those who are ready to try, you can't go wrong with becoming aware of as many moments of your life as possible. 

This one, for example. Or this right here. It's a nice moment, no? 

Notice how your mind struggles to go absent again, to get lost in confusion just to not have to be here.

But with perseverance, sooner or later comes the desire to share, to say, "Hey, let me tell you what's happening to me!"

The Gods' only Sin

The Gods' only sin, that they'd commit again, was choosing not to be wholly good, in a way. She made that hard choice mothers always have to make. Whether to have em grow through it, the way it is, or to make them happy in the short run. Apparently, the way they made us predisposes us to evolve, and that's what's gonna happen. By hook AND by crook.

Stuff's happening to me. No emergency, or nothing to worry about, see? 

You don't worry. You agonize.

 

I don't want to do that anymore. I feel it all over. My body won't let me agonize anymore.

You're almost done.

OK, I trust you. More and more every day.

Faca Amolada (Sharp knife)

"Just arrived from a wonderful concert - Milton Nascimento. That song he played is certainly for you." 

Ana

 

Agora eu não pergunto mais aonde vai a estrada
Now I no longer wonder where the road goes

Agora eu não espero mais aquela madrugada
Now I do not expect that daybreak anymore

Vai ser, vai ser, vai ter que ser, vai ser, faca amolada
It Will be, will be, will have to be, it will be, sharpened knife

O brilho cego de paixão e fé, faca amolada
The glow of passion and blind faith, sharpened knife

Deixar a sua luz brilhar e ser muito tranqüilo
Let your light shine and be very tranquil

Deixar o seu amor crescer e ser muito tranquilo
Let your love grow and be very tranquil.

Brilhar, brilhar, acontecer, brilhar, faca amolada
Shine, shine, happen, shine, sharpened knife

Um brilho cego de paixão e fé, faca amolada
A glow of passion and blind faith, sharpened knife

Plantar o trigo e refazer o pão de cada dia
Plant wheat and remake the daily bread

Beber o vinho e renascer na luz de cada dia
Drink wine and be reborn in the light of every day

A fé, a fé, paixão e fé, a fé, faca amolada
Faith, faith, passion and faith, faith, sharpened knife

O chão, o chão, o sal da terra o chão, faca amolada
The ground, the ground, salt of the earth ground, sharpened knife

Deixar a sua luz brilhar no pão de todo dia
Let your light shine on bread every day

Deixar o seu amor crescer na luz de cada dia
Let your love grow in the light of every day

Vai ser, vai ser, vai ter de ser, vai ser muito tranquilo

It Will be, will be, will have to be, it will be very tranquil

Um brilho cego de paixão e fé, faca amolada
A glow of passion and blind faith, sharpened knife

I am the Well (Grateful Part 2)

The identical nature of my pain and the feelings I get from others' negative thoughts and expressions explains, potentially at least, where it comes from. I was told that the pain I hold in my body isn't mine. I understand it now. I was helpless to avoid the damage. Simply fragile, even delicate, I'm loathe to admit (I'll get over it). But I know that it was not a moral failing or cowardice that limited me. It's been a limiting world, and I'm by far not the only one. It's that understanding that will allow me to help others. Insisting that I not see myself as one thus vulnerable to life's harshness not only defied logic, it robbed me of the ability to find common ground with many people over the course of this lonely journey.

Also delayed was the discovery of my work in life, which asks me to draw near others. Part of my inability to find my place has been that an aversion to working with others long ago assumed priority among my motivations. And this aversion was a direct result of my exaggerated reaction to the everyday social shocks of life (to say nothing of the un-exaggerated, bona fide jacked up stuff). It wasn't that I was choosing to be sensitive or dramatic, though, to be sure, I could have used some information about how to manage the avalanche of negative emotional stuff that hit me and my siblings as children. We all could. I know all of us are very sensitive, and we all have different ways of dealing with the memories. I realize now that I am the well. I take people's emotions into my body. It makes it easier for them. That's part of my function. A significant part.

I now see myself as less worthy of blame for not being a different kind of person. I'm able to forgive myself for having the emotions that I have, and I guess at some point I'll celebrate them. And this is just the beginning of the release and liberation that will come from this particular lesson. I'm so grateful to God, the spirit of Jesus Naga-Luz, Wadjet, the Buddha, Shiva, Shakti, Yemanja, Oxumare, Bwiti and the love of friends and family for helping me reach this understanding today.

Where we Meet (for James and Ana)

On the Seashore

By Rabindranath Tagore

Here dedicated to James and Ana.
 

On the seashore of endless worlds children meet.

The infinite sky is motionless overhead and the restless water is boisterous. On the seashore of endless worlds the children meet with shouts and dances. 

 

They build their houses with sand, and they play with empty shells. With withered leaves they weave their boats and smilingly float them on the vast deep. Children have their play on the seashore of worlds. 

 

They know not how to swim, they know not how to cast nets. Pearl-fishers dive for pearls, merchants sail in their ships, while children gather pebbles and scatter them again. They seek not for hidden treasures, they know not how to cast nets. 

 

 

 

 

The sea surges up with laughter, and pale gleams the smile of the sea-beach. Death-dealing waves sing meaningless ballads to the children, even like a mother while rocking her baby's cradle. The sea plays with children, and pale gleams the smile of the sea-beach. 

 

On the seashore of endless worlds children meet. Tempest roams in the pathless sky, ships are wrecked in the trackless water, death is abroad and children play. On the seashore of endless worlds is the great meeting of children.

The Journey

“The Journey,” by Mary Oliver, from Dream Work (Atlantic Monthly Press).

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.

It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Grateful Part 1

11-19-13

Today was a wonderful day. At first it sucked, because I went to do a presentation and found out that there would be no presenting. I needed that money. So I got depressed and went home to sulk. I forgot that I was supposed to be meeting with my friend. My Niece Assata came in and started talking about her relationship issues. I noticed after a while that I felt terrible, in the same way as I always feel, but more pronounced and somehow more urgent. As I paid more attention to the suffering I felt inside my body, it all clicked into place. I remembered the dream ordeal of 10 years ago, how I saw and felt myself to be a well, and those dead Indians that had come and cried into me. And the pain was unbearable.

I interrupted Assata rather dramatically to tell her that I had just learned something very important about myself that explains so much of my story and struggle. I am a true Indigo. I feel other people's pain in more than a sympathetic way. I thought it was just my own reaction to the ideas, and it is, but there's something about my kind of reaction, coupled with the history of my spiritual education, that convinces me that I'm supposed to use this empathy to heal. I wasn't a well merely for a day during a trip. I was being shown something fundamental to the character of my soul. I had been given the gift of feeling other people's emotions.

Because I wasn't around people capable of noticing, to say
nothing of nurturing my gift, I just went through life on an emotional roller coaster, and here I am. I thought I hated people, but I simply hate their capacity to, at the very least, inspire the volleys of negativity that I constantly find myself slinging and dodging- or not. I have avoided people for my entire life because of the possibility that negativity might rear its head. 

I hurt my mother once in the early nineties when I asked her not to tell me about my family if there were no good news, that I no longer wanted to hear anything bad about them, us. The pain I felt was that kind of pain. I felt like I was going through all of their problems with them. Maybe part of it was judgment. But I know I felt a sense of despair that I was certain all the others of us must feel, especially those directly involved with the story.

The Will to Family

06/15/13

It's a blue day. A calm, vibrant, yet glad blue. A grateful blue. [A moth just landed on my arm and walked around there a little bit. Thank you!] This day's blue is not passionate, but its experience reminds me that it's always been a pleasure to fall in love from this cozy shore. This is the darker and deeper, my first love. When it's strong (only ever wavering on my end), she calls the second, Earth-blessed love, her own daughter, body, mind and soul-sister.

This day's blue is the refreshing hue of the release from longing that usually precedes love's physical introduction. It's not hard to see, especially when paying attention. A fool engages that longing wishing to build a home. It's evolutionary, how they know when you're not resolute, and you haven't begun to take the will to family seriously, let alone for granted.

Your lack of confidence comes as much from this fear of deciding that you want what you need, as from the trauma that informs that fear. Family frightens you, even now. Even your present participation is accompanied by a sensation  of threat, pulsating with emotion from my lower abdomen, through my genitals and to my knees. These areas will be crushed standing or burned out from under me if I go that way, is the lie that I must have needed to believe. [Oh, the moth crawled around for another 15 minutes before flying away.] All this will be unpacked here.

The Genius in the Heart

The green one is bold and robust, and her spirit gets inside you, and that's why you create more, and better. Let her influence be therapy for you. With her, you're able to move your carnal mind out of the way of your spiritual mind (your soul) and have access to all the genius that lies in the heart, which superimposes the carnal heart but exists, as one, in all of us. This heart, while thus superimposed, nevertheless rests in the soul.

The Green Ribbon Snake

When you see a ghost, you are only seeing one of the various shades of that person that rest in super-coordinate (yet discrete) dimensions. Sometimes 2 have been spotted at once, and rarely has anyone seen more than 3, and each person who saw more than two simultaneous shades, be they of the same or of different beings, had the capacity to feel-see all available dimensions.

 

And how many discrete dimensions? I have no idea, but I would pick numbers important to the major religions, from the reports or stories under the influence of demigods like Jesus or the Buddha (here). I suspect it will be the sum of the special numbers chosen by such beings, in all dimensions. They will have done this for the sake of your collective journey, somehow, or not at all.

In Contact with More-ness

November 19, 2013

The emotional channel is that in which spiritual matter travels. It must be open, meaning free of offense. You see our challenge. The souls of the dead often speak through the emotional expressions of the people. You can feel it. This is never truer than when you cry for them. The tears and moans are medicine, as well as an expression of gratitude for your opening the channel so wide. That's why you feel relieved. The chemical and biological movements in that direction are the results of a deep, unconscious understanding of the process, one that you are now able to express in words.

Go ahead, put your hand on the base of your throat. Cue a song that reminds you of a loved one you miss. (This lesson is not intended to be gentle). Open your mouth and breathe lightly and gently. Take a brief glance at a picture of the person the song reminds you of, then close your eyes (More than a brief glance gives more time for the initial feelings of love to become clouded, which pollutes the channel). 

In a quiet and deep voice, say, “Ahhhhhhh,” while pressing Play with your free hand. After 30 seconds, focus on your emotions and see what happens when you imagine your loved one holding you in the middle of the love-pain under your hand, filling and soothing so intimate a space as that fifth chakra. If you really don't believe this is possible, do it anyway.

You have just purified the channel between your soul and other souls, in addition to having been soothed by your connection with the essence of your loved one, in that order of priority (while all of this is celebrated- you are so loved). If you want to press the issue, amplify the effect and consolidate the victory, you can turn off the music and immediately start laughing with joy, even if you don't feel it, and look into a mirror. 

Those feelings you experience are caused by exactly what science says they are. But they are also more. One day those that were once modern humans will discover this more-ness. It will be shown to science from outside it. What did you think you were feeling? Surely you don't believe chemicals gave those moments their essence? I'm really happy or sorry to tell you, you are in contact every time you seek to be.

The Supreme Perspective

All of the potent symbols and signs in your religions are of

Shamanic origin. Religion is the reliquary and museum, as well as training and recruiting ground of the modern Shaman. Some religions still have strong attachment and/or aversion tension with shamanism, an undetected bond in the worldview, which keeps both alive. Whatever imperfections result can be discerned by the sorcerer.

The demigods exert incredible spiritual influence on their followers, and particularly in the cultivation of the myths surrounding them and how those myths are created and disseminated. They respect the Gods of the tribes, and Shamans have a special place in their presence. This is one of the reasons they were allowed to see, while in their human forms, all the beings that walk whatever planet we're talking about, and in whatever dimension.

They recognize the Earth Mother in God (not for the sake of any notion of fairness; it's the only way it can work), a prerequisite. This is one part of the Supreme Perspective, called so because it is complete. There is no God without Earth Mother, and there is no Earth Mother without God. It is the first community. 

It might sound sweet or profound to you, but from this dimension, it hurts to be required to say such a thing. It requires the submission of the sweet freedom from conceiving of a God thus misunderstood and torn asunder. Innocence is marred. And missed. We understand it as a tragedy necessary for creation. All potential must ever bristle with the threat of realization. Part of the recipe. Happily, no being serving in eternity experiences God so dissected.

We know how much it hurts God to endure being perceived in this way, even if only in time. We know because we feel it, and so do you. In all of your planets' histories comes a time when you make the image of God endure the mangling of your egoistic, self and other-hating aesthetic. You just don't know that's the suffering you all feel. It's called loneliness, and it's the reward for all who tear asunder God's image through hatred, vanity, arrogance, vengeance, competition and injustice. It's the only hell that exists, and you make it.

Yet it is you, the good people, who will build anew after the coming evolutionary adjustment. You will be the first teachers of those who perceive, intuitively, the connection between phenomena (among other enhancements, to happen in relatively brief succession). Good karma will grow in your shadow, and reach it's zenith in time. This is true even in cases when time is ripe for calamity to befall you, or the occasion of your death. But you will know that all was for you to be able to generate that very karma. 

You will learn how to explode it out in every direction for the good of all sentient beings. And ever will you be joined in praise with hearts from the many dimensions, all of which are evolving, a mutual blessing for eternity, sufficient to pull your kind away from the cliff of individuality. Then will you be able to envision a real unified, whole God, and your selves as extensions thereof.

Wade in the Water

As you read these words

We are together

Hold my hand
 Do you feel that? 

You don't patch up a wood house with mud, a brick house with reeds. If you're made of music, then music must be your healing. If you're made of love, there's nothing better for your ailment then a dose of the best of you. Give yourself your best, give your brother your best, give God your best, that's the prescription for all kinds of health.

Forgive yourself, not because you didn't do anything wrong, but because you were destined to do it. All these things take place for a reason, and that reason is learning. All these variables are coordinated. All these things are known eternally. And knowing is the whole point.


Surrender-Don't try to hold back the pain. This is the time for letting it reach the surface. This isn't about a blog. That face of your happening is that which you share with the world. Of course, it isn't the only one. But it is unique in that it's the first time you've waded so far into the waters of social intercourse, shared so much of your self at once, allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Quite different from sharing with the same 4 or 5 people.


But it's only effective as a teaching tool if your words come first and foremost from your process (the application of awareness to experience, known by the wise as prayer and meditation). You've made a commitment, however immature. Whenever you can manage, share. The greater part of the benefit of engaging, with awareness and commitment, belongs to you! Others will be helped more by how it helps prepare you than by the words they read.

Something to Do

No one wants to have to find "something to do" in their idle moments. They're just convinced, after intense, lifelong training, that they have no choice. It's the only alternative to the imperative of the voice they mistake for their respective selves. Technically, like any addiction, distraction is a help in moderation. A relief. But, like any addiction, distraction doesn't have the same impact for long at a particular dosage. Before long, it's running your life, and you're nowhere to be found.

If you don't understand yourself at these crucial moments, you stand to miss out on choice opportunities to significantly speed up this process. It's a blessing to know there is an ally so simple to use as awareness; simply point and walk, eyes wide open. Follow the flow of events whenever you can, but as much as you can.

Take an interest in the things you do, even if you have to employ your imagination to do so. That's what it's for. As cynical as it sounds, "how would I look at this if I were someone who cared?" is much more productive than, "how can I make myself care?" (which leads so easily to toxic guilt and shame in the distracted. I've learned that) There's a place for every voice, but you can choose the ones who give the best advice. Practice putting your imagination to work building this voice of yours, because that's why you have both.

All Seeing I

Awareness is the all-seeing eye of the Present

Presence need not always stand still

While awareness can do nothing else

One can best escape the gaze of awareness in sleep, through the egoic manipulation, on an often semiconscious level, of the stuff of your fantasies. But even fantasies, in the minds of the aware, can be made to serve pure reality. You'll have your fantasies chosen for you if you aren't creative or interested. Or better said, you will unconsciously choose your fantasies if you are unconscious.

This isn't moral failing. The uncreative and uninterested simply have a parasitic relationship with their peers. It's a result of losing the spirit of youth and giving up on ever finding it again. But interested or not, most choose the fantasy for the purpose of expending energy to NOT have to rest aware, for even a moment. It's not their fault, but you can help them.

The reason we call the uninterested parasitic is because  the creative and the interested contribute to an energy trough from which all feed, including their reticent peers. But don't think this isn't a blessing for all. The opportunity to share is everywhere in this situation, and every gift further opens the channel.
A way under, over. A way through.

Like a Pyramid

Like a pyramid 
Here I stand
Showing you the path
of our ascension

The question, oh atheists and theists alike, is not, "Is this doctrine true or authentic?" The question is, "Do I see a path to transformation here?" or later, "After having exposed myself to this, am I transformed?" The Buddha understood this. There are many paths to transformation. Some of them are religions. Others haven't been created yet.

In choosing a path to transformation, ask yourself whether potentials might facilitate:

Intention; you have to commit. It has to be your personal project. You will need your friends and family, yes, but they will be supporters or sources of lessons. They can't determine or solidify your intention, or make decisions for you.

Discipline; the reason for the intention. You need will power to break thinking and acting habits that work against transformation. Some good news is that you develop discipline as much by the time and energy you spend searching for truth as by any repetitive practice, especially when effort is made with awareness. Even going through your daily tasks builds discipline if you are fully present.

Surrender; you are now learning how desperately your ego needs to control the uncontrollable. This is, as mentioned before, the source of your worry and the number one obstacle in your life. More good news: As you work on any of these elements, you enhance the others. If you are present and intent on developing the discipline to transform, you need not worry about it. Do what you can, when you can.

Humor: Is there space to give expression to lightness of being? It's a very important component of transformation, as well as it's fruit. Here is where you actually realize your transformation. Having learned the value of creating "space within a space," as Rinpoche called it, as well as how to cultivate it in diffusing tension within yourself, you are ready to help others see and manifest that value. Instances of the manifest power of humor in healing are mercy miracles, and you know it.

You'll also be happy to learn that you don't lose any of the benefits of these lessons. When something clicks, or even when you sense that subtle layer of understanding rest on your vision, that lesson is yours forever, even if you don't remember it tomorrow. There will always be refreshers, according to your development and upcoming responsibilities or opportunities for learning.

Ride Your Experiences

I see this projection that I created and filled with the negative thoughts that are normally and comfortably at home in me. I mistake her for the real thing, and I end up relating with the wrong one. And the process begins immediately upon meeting people, regardless whether I'm enjoying getting to know them or dreading every step.

If I'm to make this work, and all indications say that I am, this is clearly going to have to change. Or not. I suspect I'll end up learning that the only thing that has to change, if you're going to enhance your ability to make people happy, is your insistence on a time and method. Let go, and ride your experiences to your destination. It only works in a worry-free vehicle. 

The Solidity of Presence

I sense the me that I'm becoming. He's closer to the surface now. He is perfectly comfortable waving off your ideas about what it takes to make a me. He knows you have no inkling of what the Lord wants for him and those we will touch. Take his advice and just watch.

I slip it on like a warm coat, this way of being, this posture. It's home, even if I'm not fully at home there. That's only a matter of time, a matter of transcending it. I'm so excited about making my home in Jesus-Naga-Luz! I believe an apt term for what my soul is experiencing is "the solidity of presence."

Grow

I said that this animal testing wasn't necessary, and he said,

"Of course it is. It has to be this way. Collectively, you are not prepared to do otherwise. All this comes to pass because you need it, to grow, to grow fond of and outgrow. To grow on, and grow sick of and sometimes grow accustomed to. None of which means that you shouldn't do whatever you feel is necessary to right a wrong. Who's to say your actions won't be for the good, and for growth?"

"So the catch word for evolution is growth, becoming more. Increasing in consciousness until you recognize your godhood again, and can have fun here in eternity, enjoying the fruits of your visit to time. The part of you that lives in eternity is exactly as steeped in joy as the remainder suffers in misery. You have identified yourself with the latter, which doesn't exist, save in time. Train yourself to identify with that bright star:

"See, and say,

I am a white light, the roundest silver star, floating across the darkness to commune with the others. All experience is there, inside. Good only does she see. All good, she declares of me. I am that, and shall be."