Wednesday, October 30, 2013

To Feel Clearly


The spirit showed me that I fear going out because I don't want to face myself, as opposed to the people or situations I'll  encounter. Of course, the situations bring us face to face, Little Glenn and me. The spirit said that I'm afraid of the pain.

I imagined myself boxing my pain body. That led to the "shame energy out" mantra. And I saw boxing as warrior movement. Then I went to how little black boys always shadow box -and then it hit me- They're getting the shame energy out. All that aggression is to help them vent the shame that might cause them to lose it. The problem is that it's not efficient and often contributes to more shame for themselves and others.

And just when i start imagine the role I've imagined for myself, the spirit show-told me,

"This is opening the channel with respect. You are using your imagination to understand your brother."

And he continued to show me that not only could I use that technique in others of my complexes, it must first be extended to myself if i am to see clearly with my feelings. To feel clearly, without drama or complication. This may be why I've been allowed to hurt so much and so long, so i could help. I have to write to set it up. A lot.

When you mess up, the real and normal frustration provides a place for pain body to hide in order to strike you. The strikes are made of the humiliation of experiencing fear, the very pain you then fear... and that's how you live, waiting for the feedback to die down so you can rest.