The spirit told me, "Your outlook informs your experience, and vice-versa. The latter movement is one you're very familiar with. The former is one you seem to avoid (maybe by focusing so intensely on the victim narrative). This is a failure in your education, which focuses so intently on external cause and effect that it leaves you lacking in the amount of energy spent coming to understand the relationships between phenomena like outlook and experience, and subsequently how they might be managed for the maximum benefit of all sentient beings.
Your limitations come less from your blindness to the role of your thoughts in creating the stuff of your days, than from your moral and conscious rejection of the oneness of all phenomena, of the fact that you are inextricably part of a community. You are expected to cultivate in the young ones compassion for themselves, their brothers and sisters and all that is.
It's not your fault, you were trained by people who knew little of the emotional needs of children. But you've scratched your way to this level of understanding, so you can't claim ignorance. Now it's a matter of will. You are aware that stillness is necessary now, that achieving it might be a matter of some urgency...Yet you deliberately avoid it. Your pain body is very strong now because you decided to go digging things up. You're in emotional disarray.
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