Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Will to Family

06/15/13

It's a blue day. A calm, vibrant, yet glad blue. A grateful blue. [A moth just landed on my arm and walked around there a little bit. Thank you!] This day's blue is not passionate, but its experience reminds me that it's always been a pleasure to fall in love from this cozy shore. This is the darker and deeper, my first love. When it's strong (only ever wavering on my end), she calls the second, Earth-blessed love, her own daughter, body, mind and soul-sister.

This day's blue is the refreshing hue of the release from longing that usually precedes love's physical introduction. It's not hard to see, especially when paying attention. A fool engages that longing wishing to build a home. It's evolutionary, how they know when you're not resolute, and you haven't begun to take the will to family seriously, let alone for granted.

Your lack of confidence comes as much from this fear of deciding that you want what you need, as from the trauma that informs that fear. Family frightens you, even now. Even your present participation is accompanied by a sensation  of threat, pulsating with emotion from my lower abdomen, through my genitals and to my knees. These areas will be crushed standing or burned out from under me if I go that way, is the lie that I must have needed to believe. [Oh, the moth crawled around for another 15 minutes before flying away.] All this will be unpacked here.