8/15/13
Om Namah Shivay. So much is happening inside me and my life. The spirit is pouring it on, which is fine with me. How tragic, huh? I want to say it's the pinnacle of experience, but I can't. To be honest - and in this I know that if you aren't ready to be honest, forget it - I now realize that my experience of God has been as complicated as any of my other close relationships, and as a result, just as unsatisfying. All this writing and meditating and praying I do to realize for the first time the potential for fulfillment. It sounds like failure, but it's really a testament to God's Greatness. The greatness of the potential coupled with the invitations to heal were sufficient to keep me holding on. You can't communicate effectively with God with a strong pain body, one receiving regular doses of energy, because you don't realize or acknowledge the power of emotions in the conditioning of your soul.
You're beginning to appreciate the roles of positivity and negativity in creation and destruction. You're not yet able to transmute negativity to the degree necessary for you to achieve equilibrium (because, of course, it's not as simple a structure as positive = creation /negative = destruction). What you can do, and began practicing even before you understood why, is limit your exposure to disturbing stimuli. But, by all means, don't limit your exposure to life. Some shocks are therapeutic. Just put yourself around the people that are healthiest for you whenever possible. Another tool is to not be afraid to turn up the good. There is an element in your culture that makes it soft to be positive, and bad to be soft. You yourself don't fully trust the concept. But much of that comes from your pain body. He's hurt, angry, and wants redress in the present, for and in the past, and most of all, doesn't exist!
His organs are psychic complexes, his blood is shame and he feeds on fear in it's all it's forms (like Anger, Guilt, Disgust, and Worry). It can be called a body to the degree to which it all works together for it's intention, which is your destruction for failing to protect him and then for failing to secure the impossible redemption.
The reason it doesn't seem to you like you're at war with yourself is because you don't realize that every thing and person, and every event that causes you to suffer is a target of great volleys of hatred, not aimed at the stimuli, but directly at your projections of them (that you create and then identify with by assigning them energy according to some conscious or unconscious goal for that entity).
Those projects are inside you and part of you, so when you fire that energy, you feel the pain immediately. Now think of every little injustice you perceive, including those on TV or in the news. Every one that makes an impression has been reserved a little piece of you. The aesthetic and emotional energy you attribute to them is realized by you, not the players, not the perpetrators, just you, unless you take it out on somebody else. The emotional or aesthetic energy you attribute to them comes from and remains in you. If you have hundreds of targets for your hate, your life is a mine field. Everything reminds you of something/someone you hate, and it hurts every time. You're literally poisoning yourself.
You can immediately get relief if you change the input to something less poisoning, or better yet, fully good! Another great tool, the best, come to think of it, is awareness. In the moment, where life takes place, is like a laboratory for noticing where and how all these things happen, and more importantly, for taking note of how each thought feels. Whether you're writing things down or not, a quality of moments to which you bring awareness is that they are always available to be worked within the self realization effort. But even though you really need to focus on yourself, you know that you do this through others. Right now your pain body is so heavy that you have nothing left for anything serious, but socializing is good for you.
You are chronocentric, imagining life as unfolding according to your own perception of time. For this reason, you find it particularly jarring to suddenly be surrounded by time senses of a variety of flavors, creating an explosion of alien moments. From the spiritual to the animal, a variety of engagements, even relations between moments, even flavors of moments. Such is the life of a sorcerer. When one is aware, she can be in the middle of such a storm for the purpose of helping someone, or for that of helping everyone by creating the experience of helping herself through!
Om Namah Shivay. So much is happening inside me and my life. The spirit is pouring it on, which is fine with me. How tragic, huh? I want to say it's the pinnacle of experience, but I can't. To be honest - and in this I know that if you aren't ready to be honest, forget it - I now realize that my experience of God has been as complicated as any of my other close relationships, and as a result, just as unsatisfying. All this writing and meditating and praying I do to realize for the first time the potential for fulfillment. It sounds like failure, but it's really a testament to God's Greatness. The greatness of the potential coupled with the invitations to heal were sufficient to keep me holding on. You can't communicate effectively with God with a strong pain body, one receiving regular doses of energy, because you don't realize or acknowledge the power of emotions in the conditioning of your soul.
You're beginning to appreciate the roles of positivity and negativity in creation and destruction. You're not yet able to transmute negativity to the degree necessary for you to achieve equilibrium (because, of course, it's not as simple a structure as positive = creation /negative = destruction). What you can do, and began practicing even before you understood why, is limit your exposure to disturbing stimuli. But, by all means, don't limit your exposure to life. Some shocks are therapeutic. Just put yourself around the people that are healthiest for you whenever possible. Another tool is to not be afraid to turn up the good. There is an element in your culture that makes it soft to be positive, and bad to be soft. You yourself don't fully trust the concept. But much of that comes from your pain body. He's hurt, angry, and wants redress in the present, for and in the past, and most of all, doesn't exist!
His organs are psychic complexes, his blood is shame and he feeds on fear in it's all it's forms (like Anger, Guilt, Disgust, and Worry). It can be called a body to the degree to which it all works together for it's intention, which is your destruction for failing to protect him and then for failing to secure the impossible redemption.
The reason it doesn't seem to you like you're at war with yourself is because you don't realize that every thing and person, and every event that causes you to suffer is a target of great volleys of hatred, not aimed at the stimuli, but directly at your projections of them (that you create and then identify with by assigning them energy according to some conscious or unconscious goal for that entity).
Those projects are inside you and part of you, so when you fire that energy, you feel the pain immediately. Now think of every little injustice you perceive, including those on TV or in the news. Every one that makes an impression has been reserved a little piece of you. The aesthetic and emotional energy you attribute to them is realized by you, not the players, not the perpetrators, just you, unless you take it out on somebody else. The emotional or aesthetic energy you attribute to them comes from and remains in you. If you have hundreds of targets for your hate, your life is a mine field. Everything reminds you of something/someone you hate, and it hurts every time. You're literally poisoning yourself.
You can immediately get relief if you change the input to something less poisoning, or better yet, fully good! Another great tool, the best, come to think of it, is awareness. In the moment, where life takes place, is like a laboratory for noticing where and how all these things happen, and more importantly, for taking note of how each thought feels. Whether you're writing things down or not, a quality of moments to which you bring awareness is that they are always available to be worked within the self realization effort. But even though you really need to focus on yourself, you know that you do this through others. Right now your pain body is so heavy that you have nothing left for anything serious, but socializing is good for you.
You are chronocentric, imagining life as unfolding according to your own perception of time. For this reason, you find it particularly jarring to suddenly be surrounded by time senses of a variety of flavors, creating an explosion of alien moments. From the spiritual to the animal, a variety of engagements, even relations between moments, even flavors of moments. Such is the life of a sorcerer. When one is aware, she can be in the middle of such a storm for the purpose of helping someone, or for that of helping everyone by creating the experience of helping herself through!
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