Friday, February 7, 2014

Until it Sinks Down In

February 5, 2014

It's a certain experience, that is manifest, at times apparently. 
This is one of those times. This is what I need.

I don't like to share; simply because it opens me up for communication, and a specific type of communication too, that leaves me perpetually preparing for inevitable and indescribable loss. And I can't seem to let it go. But now I know. I realize this is yoga... and it's a challenge.

Your quest is to give way to this voice inside that wants you in chains. Let him speak his peace. But be there, like no one could for you, the first time. Be there for both of you, for all of you. Bring it to the cipher. Let the hateful self spit. Y'all, Listen to each other. Don't take it so seriously. Always be reminded that you are one, until the day it sinks in.

One of the good things about time is it will put some distance between you and at least the worst of the pain. But you have to learn to let it. Every second I push away from the pain body, keeping him at arm's length. Every second. Is that the devil dream? It would have to be. It appears I over-learned the good versus evil paradigm, and so war with myself.

The most dangerous word is the unspoken truth. You might counter that that honor goes to the lie. But the unspoken truth is the most agonizing, traumatizing, waste of precious time kind of lie. It's slow suicide, and often leads to it. On the other hand, except to those who co-create it, there is no danger in truth. But it takes years for many to learn you're better off oriented toward her, if not actively searching. You'll eventually learn to settle into in her bosom.