Feel What You Feel

That's what makes awareness so important, and so hard. I have to face thoughts I vigorously avoid as a matter of mental and emotional survival. For example, I'm right now hard pressed to escape the thought of a trivial confrontation with a family member. When I force myself to look right at the thought, I see that avoidance that can only be called repulsion. 

I can only hold that door open for a couple seconds at a time right now, but that's better than before. It's funny how that condition seemed to be hiding in plain sight. I mean, I often talk about the mechanism, while remaining almost entirely unaware that my relation to the thought of confrontation was so dense, somehow impenetrable. 

This is my inner reality for as long as I continue to invest in the creation and maintenance of it. Apparently, my recording of this fact can constitute a discovery, but not a realization. And while discoveries are important, they just a beginning. Be still and study the teachings. Feel what you feel. Act on the revelations whenever your capacity shares a moment with opportunity. Create movements based on this teaching. See.