The Goddess Rest Won

12-3-13

The first thing he said to me was that Rest was the one thing I deny myself as a matter of course, almost constantly, even in sleep. Rest must be chosen, and taken. You're running around looking for the ability to Rest, even if you can't find the worthiness in you, both of which you doubt possible. 

Doubt, also known as Crisis of Commitment. A common acquaintance to those raised to expect the worst, and/or those who didn't have time to grow secure before shelter disappeared. Fortunately, you have other acquaintances.

Yeah, Doubt, she reminds you of Rest. She tries to imitate that goddess, the ground of regeneration and rebirth. The impostor only gets as close in appearance (and that at a glance) as offering something better than you have now. But she is really an empty promise of Rest, who you're convinced must be in the direction the deceiver bids you turn. If you get that new love or thing (achieve worthiness), the lie goes, you'll be able to Rest. You'll finally see she really delivers what that brief flash in the corner of your eye had promised. You fall for it every time.

Her hair is ever greener grass. Her skin is any color you think you  want this instant, but absolutely what you don't have now. You think the eyes are your mother's, until you look directly into them. They're yours. You can tell by the agony in the corners. But it's an illusion. 

Do you see how sorry a substitute for Rest is this mother of unrealized life  lessons? Maybe you recognize her as the active ego. And she keeps you very busy. She's always around. In fact, she's the only one who will ever be, until you're ready to give her up. But she's an illusion, as dead as the infant whose corpse she holds in the bathtub in that dream (which was a sign used by your unconscious to help you see that life is being limited by your distance from Rest).

And when you look back on the opportunities of which you believe doubt has robbed you, you'll recall that, in the moment, the promise of something better wasn't even that credible or well defined in the first place. In your youth and situation, a faint suggestion was all it took to send you ripping away from now, in the direction she pointed, toward that which which failed again to deliver Rest. 

Thank God that's not the end of the story...